Fifty Shades of Awwww, Come on, do I seriously have to talk about this guys?

Alright.  Here it is.  My mandatory, required, ubiquitous unavoidable comment on the "Fifty Shades of Grey" phenomenon.  It is simply a fact that everyone who writes anything on the internet, but especially erotica, has to weigh in with their reaction to the incredible commercial success of "Fifty Shades of Grey", so let's get this over with.

For those of you who aren't in the know, "Fifty Shades of Grey" began its life on the net as Twilight fanfiction, albeit a very S&M-ish version of Stephanie Meyer's original insipid characters.  It was written by a woman for women and features as its main character a wealthy, handsome, sadistic Alpha male named Christian Grey.  Since he was originally based on Edward Cullen from the Twilight critics and fans alike often refer to him as "Chedward".

I don't really care that this book is poorly written yet still found vast success.  I don't really care that it is sadly the closest to mainstream that BDSM has come since kink first came out of the closet.  What I find interesting and often overlooked, is that the author of these books makes frequent reference to the fact that Chedward has a big dick.

My jaw dropped when I found out that this was the case.  Don't get me wrong, a lot of erotica and/or "mommy-porn" is willing to have well-hung protagonists, but Fifty Shades of Grey seems to focus on this a little more.  To my knowledge, it does *NOT* break the cardinal rule that you never actually give a measurement of a cock in inches in porn for women, but it still spends a fair amount of time dwelling on the idea that a great big cock is in play.

It astounds me that no one focuses on this aspect of the book's success.  We all seem to know, like, as a people, or maybe a species, that we like  big dicks.  Men love to see them in porn, women are drawn to them in erotica, and a select few of us write stories and blog posts about them because we're obsessive Size Queens *coughs* but I digress.

Everyone who is a fan of FSOG seems to be rightfully ashamed of themselves.  Like you have to have a certain amount of literary savvy to appreciate it as smut, but once you have that amount of said savvy you can't enjoy the other aspects of the prose.

If you want to know more, I don't recommend that you read this book, but DO check out reasoningwithvampires.tumblr.com


For brilliant ripping apart of the Twilight Saga as well as a single poignant video comment by the site's owner.


And also, if you want a laugh at the sadness of people on the internet, check out this horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible contest to name Chedward's penis:


http://jenniferarmintrout.blogspot.com/2012/05/contest-name-chedwards-penis.html


I'll try to write something sexier for you all next week.


Stay Heftily Hung my Heroes.